It is often assumed by our young innocent selves that the safe way, is the surest way.

Some of us rather not take risks, we prefer not to venture into the unknown paths, to do things that risk possible failure in hope of achieving greater success. Our 'kiasu' mentality, it keeps us safe. And yet who can blame us - we all fear the unknown.

It's the way we were brought up. Singaporean teens live on school and school alone. We can all recite the "doctrine of life" by now: study hard, get good grades, score well for PSLE, get to good Secondary School, get good 'O' level grades, go good JC, get good 'A' level grades, get scholarship, go overseas study for free...

Everything is based on results. Ask any student from this tiny red dot and you will find that everyone is the same. Who doesn't want to get to be an SAF scholar here? To encourage this, parents dangle the carrot of overseas tours, new game consoles, new hand phones etc. in front of us, and we think, heck, why not?

It's not about having the balls, it's about opening up our frame, that is our narrow point of view.
Drinking alcoholic drinks is downright wrong, staying out late at night is unacceptable, and watching pornography? Oh, how uncivilised. So they say.

About an hour ago, I had the most bizarre accident. Walking through the crowded pasar malam, I happened to walk past a makeshift store selling scents and perfumes. Not that I was interested in acquiring any, I walked past, and a sudden crash broke through the usual chatter of the crowd. I stopped. Bad move.

The store owner was on to me in a second. She was a middle-aged lady, no more than forty, I would say, and the kind of auntie you see very often at the morning market eating chai tao kway and drinking kopi-o on a Sunday morning. I looked at her, and she looked at me.

Translated:

Her: "Er...Broken ah?"

Me: "Huh? Your perfume? Yes, can't you see it's on the floor."

Her: "err...-shifts eyes-...then must pay lor."


Call me sly, call me evil, or sue me if you so care to, I was going to get myself out of this.
For one, I wasn't even sure if it was me who broke it, but I thought I remembered a man walk past that bottle before it fell. Then again, it could have been my gi as it swung across the table. I wasn't sure.

But I couldn't let her know that.

"I didn't break it."


I stared her in the eyes. I had to be careful - any slight shift of my eyes to the left or the breaking of eye contact would have immediately given me away.

"No...-shift eyes-... it is you break one."

Bull-fucking-shit.
This auntie was so unsure, there wasn't as much as a hint of confidence in her statement. You'd had better luck finding an "I Love China" shirt in Taiwan.

"The guy who broke it left already."

Hold, hold.

"...you must pay."

"I said, the guy who broke it left already."

Next, she's repeating the same accusations. Throwing them off is easy.
Her next move couldn't have been any dumber.

"Uhh...is she break one."

She points to Yishan, who was with me. What the hell.

"Is her bag hit then the bottle fall one."

"Auntie ah, she was walking over there...-points to a spot 1087553095705095 miles away from table- how can it be her?"

"Is her one."

Fuck, this woman is stupid.
She isn't the least bit confident, so I amped up my assertion.

"Auntie, I wasn't the one who broke it, and she wasn't even near the table."

"Funny, then how, the bottle drop itself one ah?"

I tuned my body language to show a bit more conviction. She was starting to back down already.

"Funny?? Your own thing drop and you call it funny? The person broke it and left, and you don't even want to chase. Then just because we are nearby, you want us to pay for it? That's funny!"

Yishan also added in even more words and rhetoric's, leaving her totally speechless and stumped.

She gave up.

"Aiya, heck la...-bends down to pick up glass pieces-"


I had to applaud myself and Yishan. And definitely, applaud Lady Luck. Had the auntie been any more assertive from the start, we would have been fucked there and then, and so would have been my wallet.
If it had been me when I was Sec 1, then I would have been so guilty that I would just have paid immediately, even offering to pick up the glass pieces into the bin.

The thing is not whether we had the spontaneity to pull it off, but the thing is we dared to take the risk.

We weren't even sure who was guilty, and economically, it makes sense.

Scenarios:

1) Guilty and found guilty - Cost: $10
2) Not guilty and found guilty - Cost: $10
3) Guilty and found not guilty - Cost: $0
4) Not guilty and found not guilty - Cost: $0

At most, I'd only pay for the damn bottle of perfume. What, I'm gonna have to pay that auntie extra $5 just because I lied first? You think what, white slip ah?

Yeah, I'm fucking evil. (So is Yishan.) But if we didn't try, would we have known? We had nothing to lose.

Sure, our 'kiasu' mentality keeps us safe. But it sure keeps us dumb too.

Live life on the edge a little bit, try a bit of shit here and there, maybe some stupid stuff. Sometimes, the things you try are on people who probably won't remember you after they wake up the next day.
































Unless, of course, they wake up next to you. ;)